I put in a 20 minutes. This time I woke myself up with some coffee. I would say the problems I was having earlier were mostly that I didn’t have enough energy. A little coffee goes a long way with me, so I have to be judicious with it, but timing this to be 20 minutes after coffee might be critical. Not only do I have to do the 20 minutes, I have to do these 20 minutes under the best conditions possible, which basically means when my energy is right – as best as I can control that. For example, I very much doubt I would be of much use composing latish in the day like 7, or even 5. I think this has to be a morning / early afternoon thing.

I’ve noticed that my energy, sometimes anxious, tends to peak somewhere between 11:30-2:30. That energy might as well be directed into composing. Composing demands more energy than anything else I do in my normal life.

So today I had a few ideas. I thought – I want to start this with a really lod slam on low octave D’s. I did so and realized what I actually wanted was a big hit on C#’s, so that is what I did. Going into C# immediately makes me think fasater because I don’t composer in C sharp that often – the hardwiring for C# is not there the way it is in C or a closely related key of G or F. Later I balanced the loud low octaves with some high octaves either loud or soft, then later these moments of octave hits were high and low at the same time. That is an actual musical idea. It’s taking an ingredient, albeit a simple one, and developing it.

I’m also readjusting how I set the text.

For example it begins:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.

AndI make it:

Do not stand at my grave and weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep.

This means that there are all these triple statements of ideas where each can morph from on iteration to another, in my work today it tended to be getting more extreme each repeat but that may change.

In fact my whole premise of the piece may change tomorrow and that’s OK. I think my big leap in thinking today is that the famous one I know is soft and delicate and is part of a requiem of many poems. This piece is not, so it does not need to be in any sort of gentle requiem feel and can be just plain glory!

I can’t believe how quickly the process of composing and emotions related move around. All is good, all is lost, and so on.

At the end of the day I still don’t actually know what I am doing.