I forgot how much composing can become an obsession. I can’t get the opening of my new piece right. I only started yesterday or so, and I can’t stop thinking about it and seem to be abandoning all hope and am taking this very seriously. I’m overwhelmingly invested in something that didn’t even exist three days ago.
I have some great music for the center of this piece – it’s a breakthrough for me in that it is the most “up” music I have ever written. But if I don’t get the opening somehow, the good stuff in the middle won’t matter because the piece will be fed into the paper shredder before anyone even looks at the middle.
When I started this blog I said I was going to stay neutral as much as possible to not get trapped in phycological corners leading into writer’s block. I was going to be non judgemental. What I’m feeling right now though is highly judgemental and it reminds me that writing can be exhausting and painful. I have been through this type of pain before and seemed to have washed it out of my memory.