I am having trouble keeping up a consistent work ethic with composing. Other things I do have deadlines, other people, a definite knowing that something is going to come out of it. With composing I have no idea what if anything is going to come out of a piece I write. That makes it hard but it is something I will have to live with, especially when I’m here at the beginning of working to become a true professional composer. It’e very stressful and the focus I need to muster to do it is tremendous.

I’m wondering what the greater purpose or true purpose of music is. I recently read something, from which book I do not remember, that makes a point that it’s odd that music is an odd thing to have made it through evolution because it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with survival of the fittest. (But maybe it does?) I don’t actually know quite what it is. Maybe it’s indefinable.

Maybe it’s therapeutic. There is a newish whole idea of music therapy – so that school of thought certainly would agree. Maybe it helps people figure out who they are. I certainly hear a sense of “truth” in the music that inspires me. I don’t know what that means though. For a long time it has been highly associated with religion. I don’t know what to do with that information though. If I am remembering what I learned in school there used to be much less separation between sacred and secular music, so maybe any music can lead people into any sense they have of divinity, which could be a million different things to a million different people.

I read in another book that in work people often have a point of transition in their line of work from proving competence into finding purpose. I think that is where I am now. For me I never really thought about the purpose of music. I know it has great power for me and I feel it is what I am meant to do. That said I have been focussed on proving competence, not thinking beyond that into purpose.

Maybe it simply brings people joy. Or helps purge or truly meet sorrow to help a person move beyond it. The same could be said for anger or fear. I might never have an answer. The whole situation is mysterious.

What I can say is that I find myself called to do it, and that might be enough to deduce that somewhere hidden within me I do know the purpose and haven’t found it yet.

This is tougher than I thought.